After You Ask Questions Do You Really Listen to Screenagers?

When you were in school, what time was your listening class?
Let me ask you, was your listening class before lunch or was it after lunch?
One of the most important skills we can learn is to listen well.
The fact is, we (and I wrote “we” because I know I continually work to develop my skills) don’t listen well at all.

Dr Warren listening to engage screenagers in his audience
Dr Warren listening to engage screenagers in his audience







The pity is, we spend the majority of our communication listening.
Today we’ll go deep into the details like Jack Welch shares in his books.
There is a saying, “Most of us don’t need to learn, but we do like to be reminded” because there are so many distractions in the world today.
Let me remind you there are a few ideas I want to share to help improve listening to show caring for Screenagers.
One of the biggest prevalent challenges to listening is when our brain starts thinking about a response without our thinking (truly listening) about the big picture of what is being said.
Malcolm Gladwell goes into this in depth in Blink.
In this blog, I’m talking about listening, and not just talking about hearing what someone is saying.
While studying for my master’s in communications my international classmate told me that in Japanese, her native tongue, the translation for the word listening combines 2 characters of hearing + heart, so listening is hearing with love.
When you are listening to your Screenagers ask yourself, “Am I listening actively, and for what am I listening?”
When you are actively listening to engage Screenagers are you…
Nonverbal:
  • Smiling (It is so easy to get into the pattern of starting with a frown when we engage our Screenagers, so remember to break that pattern to show caring.)
  • Giving eye contact (Are you actually looking at the person [looking into their face or eyes] to show caring?)
  • Using encouraging words and nonwords (Are you encouraging with words like ‘yes,’ ‘yeah,’ and ‘um’?) My friend Manny Gallegos (a native Spanish speaker) shared with me and effective method to help me focus as I’m listening and that is to repeat the Spanish vowels, ‘ah,’ ‘eh’, ee,’ oh,’ and ‘uh.’
  • Encouraging with movement and gestures (Are you nodding, showing open body posture, and sharing relaxed gestures when you listen to show caring?)
  • Eliminating distractions (Do you make sure there are no distractions (physical, noise, emotional) when you listen to show caring?)
Verbal:
  • Remembering (Do you show caring to your Screenagers by remembering what was said a few seconds before?)
  • Reflecting (Do you reflect back to your Screenagers both content as well as meaning and emotions?)
  • Clarifying (Are your clarifying critically or caringly?)
  • Questioning (Do you ask ask like a judge or Screenagers’ caring friend?)
  • Summarizing (At various times throughout, and at the end, of your listing to show caring, do you list what has been said?)
Look back on the last time you listened to your Screenager, and ask yourself, “Did it feel like the reason I was listening was:
  • to learn?” (Did you focus on gathering content to better understand your Screenagers’ experiences?)
  • to analyze, evaluate and judge?” (Did you focus on building your case to change your screenagers “because you care” and you know you are right.)
  • to empathize?” (Did you listen to understand your Screenagers’ emotions and support them with care?)
You can tell which of these I favor, can’t you?
When people listen to judge they are forcing their opinion against others’ opinions and that makes an argument.
Wisdom floats above the argument like the sun lighting the situation, the come froms, the context, etc. (More on this in my blog tomorrow.)


Also, nowadays Screenagers are sometimes more comfortable sharing with their screens, so don’t be afraid to let them share low-stakes issues (be careful with high stakes issues though) on their screens.
For example, in all my courses (click this video for a queued example) I ask a series of low-stakes questions (experiences, helpful ideas, understanding, etc.) and I make a big deal (because it is to me) to show my students, trainees, and clients, I am “listening” to them with care.
Even in all my on-line publications, I listen to everything you write, click, like, etc. so I can ultimately create optimal high value engagement for you and what is important to you.

Listen to others’ hearts with your heart you’ll get support.

You can see examples of screen innovations for Optimal Experiences at JOIN THE CURATION: Google+.
Remember to engage tomorrow.
Following you then.
Keep it simple.
All the Best, Warren
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Dr Warren LINGER © 2017
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